If the person you recently started dating seems to be pulling back over the summer, you might be experiencing shading firsthand. Shading is the act of being put in the shade or set aside to cool off for a while. Whether it’s a temporary break or a silent breakup, it’s a step away from the dating scene.
This article will explore what shading is, signs of shading, the science behind shading and warm weather, the importance of communication during shading and how to cope if you’re left in the shade.
What Is Shading, Exactly?
You’re experiencing shading, the new summer dating trend, when you’ve been put on the back burner or in the shade. People sometimes want to take a break from dating apps and romantic relationships, especially as their calendars get filled up with beach days, travel and vacations.
Maybe the person you’re seeing doesn’t want to be tied down or you yourself want a breather from dating. Know you’re not alone. This is a trend that is affecting many people right now.
Those of you looking for a long-term relationship should keep in mind summertime might not be the right time to seek out a partner. Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a Harvard-trained clinical psychologist, says that people tend to prioritize an unentangled life in the summer “which can be a detriment to those looking for a committed relationship.”
Signs of Shading
Summer shading involves shelving or ending relationships during the summer months. If you’re not sure if you’re being left in the shade, be aware of changes in the person’s behavior. Are they exhibiting these signs?
- Texting less often
- Planning dates less frequently
- Arranging more time with friends than with you
- Attending special events and not inviting you to join them
- Taking weekend getaways without you
- Avoiding you more
- Ghosting you completely
If you recognize these behaviors, there’s no need for alarm. Reach out in a non-confrontational manner to find out what’s going on. The goal is that you both can make a mutual decision about where to go with the relationship over the summer.
Is There Science Behind Shading And Warm Weather?
Science tells us the that weather changes affect people’s attitudes, feelings, moods and mental health. Those sunny days of summer usually put us in a good mood. Dopamine and serotonin, those feel-good chemicals, are released when we’re happy.
It’s natural to want to kick back and take a break after a long winter and spring. So, normal routines and commitments during June, July and August might be disrupted or put aside and shading might occur.
Scientists have found that exposure to sunlight didn’t just put people in good moods and make them cheery, but counteracted depression. In one Finnish study https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35636039/. scientists tracked solar insolation with the mental health changes of participants in residential neighborhoods and found a clear correlation between more sunlight and less depression.
The Importance of Communication When You’re Being Shaded
Communication in any relationship is of great importance. If you’re not sure why you’re pulling back or you’re not sure if the other person wants to see you or not, be honest. Suggest a time to sit down and discuss the situation.
Topics for discussion might include:
- Do you want to be in a committed relationship?
- Do you want a no-strings attached relationship?
- Do you crave more alone-time?
- Do you want a more spontaneous and less planned relationship over the summer?
- Do you want a break over the summer?
- Do you want a breakup?
It’s important not to shelve someone without their knowledge. And it’s imperative not to go back and forth on what you’re doing if you’re unsure.
Romanoff says, “Those doing the shading should not pull the other person in and out of the shade as their needs vacillate. It’s important to either be in or out, and to not play with the other person’s emotions as your needs change.”
How to Cope if You’re Left in the Shade
Romanoff acknowledges that dating can be challenging because, in addition to finding a person you are compatible with, there is an additional layer of work in discriminating the person’s priorities and dating goals.
She says, “While many people date without intention or are using dating to fulfill needs beyond getting into a committed relationship, shading can be devastating when it happens to you.”
But there are healthy ways to deal with those feelings of doom and gloom.
Things You Can Do To Handle Feelings About Shading
Taking care of yourself includes knowing ways to help yourself get over the rejection, whether it’s for a summer or for always.
Assess.
Do you feel empty as you’re grieving a loss? Do you want a short-term dating relationship? Do you want to wait to meet someone ready for a long-term relationship?
Be grateful.
Romanoff says: “The person getting shaded should take this act as a favor – as the other person is revealing their intentions, how they feel about you, and no longer can consume your time and energy.”
Take time for yourself.
Actively choosing to spend time alone can have a positive impact on you. Research shows it can help your regulate emotions, reduce your stress levels and increase your feelings of relaxation.
Reframe.
View what transpired as a temporary romance. How can you learn from it?
Vent and share your feelings.
Be sure to spend time with close family members and friends who support you. Seek out a mental health specialist if you need one.
Have fun.
Splash around at the beach and in the nearby pool. Refocus on arts and crafts and things you love to do.
If people you are meeting are seeking flings during the summer and you want something more serious, keep in mind that many people search for more long-term relationships when the weather gets cooler again.