It can be difficult to think, “My wife doesn’t love me anymore.” If you feel this way, it is important to consider why it might be happening. It’s equally critical to know what you can do when your wife’s love seems to be gone.
To help determine whether your wife has lost feelings for you, or if you’ve lost feelings for your partner, it’s beneficial to know what signs to look for. Because feelings are salvageable, we also examine actions to take that can restore love and improve your relationship.
What Happens When a Wife’s Love is Gone?
If you suspect that your wife no longer feels love for you, this can be a painful and isolating realization. It can put the continuation of your marriage in question while, at the same time, placing the possibility of losing your partner in view.
When two people make a life commitment to each other, a number of things are communicated. First, every interaction will be based on trust. Also, that communication will be open and honest. Most importantly, a couple agrees that their marriage is built on a foundation of love and respect.
Without this love, there isn’t much for the relationship to stand on. This makes the absence of love on one person’s part a worrying reality for the future of the relationship. It underscores how circumstances in life—good or bad—should never break this mutual promise.
Signs Your Wife May Not Love You Anymore
Both partners usually have a good idea of their spouse’s temperament, moods, and inclinations. This makes you very aware of any changes your wife might be going through, especially where your marriage is concerned. The following are signs that can suggest your wife’s love isn’t as strong as it used to be.
Your Communication Becomes Strained
Couples report higher satisfaction with their partners when they engage in high-quality communication.1 One of the first signs that your wife’s love and affection may be dwindling is a shift in her communication patterns.
In the past, it may have been normal to give each other blow-by-blow accounts of the day’s activities, or to exchange calls every other hour to report minor annoyances or observations. Now, growing silence exists between you and your wife, and this feels tough to handle.
When you find that you are becoming more and more clueless about your wife’s daily activities, schedule, or even how she’s feeling about you and your marriage, this could indicate a change in feelings.
Your Wife Never Has Time for You
For a marriage to work, certain sacrifices have to be made. Sometimes, this means giving up a weekend in bed because your partner wants to visit museums around the city. Other times, it can mean having difficult conversations because you care about the relationship enough to discuss budding problems.
If your wife constantly dismisses your request to spend time together, comments how she has already made plans, or is too tired for couples’ activities, it can be distressing. This might also be an early indication that her interests are elsewhere.
You Are Constantly Fighting
In any relationship, constant nitpicking or bickering can be draining. This is even more apparent in a marriage, where partners usually provide listening ears when their spouses complain about people they disagree with.
Becoming the person your spouse is regularly fighting with can be tiring. More than being a stressful occasion, a couple’s ability to resolve conflicts affects their marital quality.2
When you and your wife are unable to see eye-to-eye on a regular basis, and these fights continue despite your best efforts, it could be another sign that her affection is changing.
There Is No More Fighting
What’s worse than constant bickering? It is absolute silence when disagreements come up. You do all the talking and she doesn’t chime in, or you try to start a conversation and get no response.
When your wife is no longer interested in hashing out what caused a fight and is instead happy to agree to whatever you decide, it might not mean she’s attempting to avoid conflict. Sometimes, this could reveal her growing disinterest in things that concern and threaten your marriage.
She Becomes More Focused on Herself
Plans made without you, promotions not shared, or a constant search for opportunities in different states or neighborhoods without carrying you along. What do all these have in common?
They might indicate that your wife’s love is gone to the point where she is plotting a future without you in it. She may be starting a new life and doesn’t want you to know the details.
Intimacy Is Missing
When couples have frequent sex—especially frequent, enjoyable sex—this can greatly improve relationship satisfaction.3 If your wife shows increasing indifference about your sex life, or if intimacy appears to be a duty she performs for your benefit, it could signal a change in feelings toward your marriage.
She Cheats
If you suspect or are certain that your wife had an affair, this can be an obvious sign that she no longer loves you or is dissatisfied with your relationship. Infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce4 and one of the most painful developments in any relationship.
What Should I Do If My Wife Doesn’t Love Me Anymore?
Coming to the realization that a wife’s love is gone can be disheartening. It can also make a future with her seem unlikely, but this doesn’t have to be the case.
With marriages created on a foundation of love, there is an opening for that love to be re-discovered. If you suspect your wife’s feelings toward you have changed, here are some steps you can take.
Look Inward
Before making any assumptions about the change in your wife’s attitude, one important move to make is to examine how you have acted in the marriage. Look inward and see what you discover.
Perhaps you failed to register the stress your wife is experiencing at work, or maybe her aloofness is a way of showing displeasure at something you did. There is a chance you’ve both begun to take each other for granted and forgotten the effort required to build a long-lasting home together.
This one step can guide the next steps to take for a possible change in your wife’s attitude.
Speak Honestly
To get to the bottom of any changes you may have observed in your wife, simply asking what is wrong can be effective. This question should be asked in a relaxed environment, where she can feel comfortable sharing anything on her mind.
Accusations should be avoided, but don’t be afraid to share all the developments that have led to you asking the question. While maintaining a level head, give her enough time to speak and air her feelings before you make contributions to the discussion.
Assure Her of Your Love
While speaking to your wife, it’s important that she is aware of your unchanged feelings toward her. Assure her that you are willing to work through any rough patches your marriage might be going through. This will show that she has a reliable partner to fall back on.
Giving a reminder of your love can serve as a gentle push for your wife to put in effort toward improving your relationship.
Attend Couple’s Therapy
In some cases, it’s necessary for a professional to give guidance on the changes in your relationship. Attending counseling sessions together can help with navigating the growing distance, poor communication, and even the pain of infidelity in the relationship.
Move On
While it may be painful to accept, there comes a time when feelings move past the point of saving. If despite the honest conversations and professional counseling, your wife’s love is gone, it might be time to move on.
At this point, your happiness and welfare should take priority. Leaning on friends and family, as well as seeing a therapist, can help with managing the painful transition.