It is a great privilege to have the time, money, and flexibility to travel, whether you are hiking the national parks or exploring another country. That said, traveling can be stressful! From finding your way to the airport to security lines to planning out the events of your trip, it seems like there can be pitfalls at every turn. And that’s only being responsible for yourself!
Traveling with others—especially a partner—has its own unique stressors. There’s a reason “I need a vacation from this vacation” is a saying. Read on to learn more about how to handle the potential stress of traveling with a partner.
Why Preparing for Travel With Your Partner Can Be Stressful
In my experience, there are two different types of travelers—those who get to the airport three hours early just in case something bad happens, and those who cannot stand waiting and need to time out their arrival exactly so that there’s no down time. My partner and I are these two opposites: I’m the former and he’s the latter.
What we’ve discovered, after years of traveling together, is that we are both feeling the same kind of anxiety about each other’s respective traveling needs.
It makes me incredibly anxious not to get to the airport hours early, and it makes him just as anxious to have to wait.
This leaves us in a balancing act of trying to be considerate of each other’s needs while also taking care of our own.
Even if you and your partner are the same type of traveler, traveling together suddenly makes you responsible for another person, not just yourself. Traveling alone, you can do whatever you want; traveling with your partner, you have to take their needs into consideration—an added stressor on top of all the existing stress of traveling.
So, how do you mitigate the unique stress of traveling with your partner?
Preparing for Your Journey
I’ve found that two things are crucial when planning on traveling with a partner, especially one who is a different kind of traveler than I am—communication and compromise.
Communication
The only way your partner will understand how you feel about traveling is if you explain it to them. Talking about your worries and fears lets your partner know that you are not making plans arbitrarily. If they know what exactly is stressing you out the most about traveling, they can better understand what you need in order to feel good about your journey.
The same goes with you understanding your partner’s anxieties—be open to hearing what they are experiencing and the worries and fears that they have about traveling with you.
Each of you being able to express what you are concerned about can only help you both approach traveling in a way that suits the both of you.
For example, in preparation for one of our last trips together, I explained to my partner that I wanted to avoid having to literally run from the security checkpoint to our gate to catch our plane, which had happened on one of our previous trips. Being able to relate my anxiety to an actual event helped my partner understand how I was feeling and why I wanted to err on the side of caution.
Compromise
This kind of communication leads to compromise.
For example, once my partner and I had both aired our concerns, we talked through a schedule that would make us both happy. “Ok, it takes 45 minutes to get to the airport, so if we leave at this time, we’ll have an hour and a half to get through security and find our gate—that will be plenty of time.” This way, I get a buffer in case something takes longer than planned, but we’re not waiting around for hours if things do go smoothly.
It’s important to work together to come up with a plan that satisfies both of you.
This might involve some back-and-forth, but it’s only a compromise if both of you gain something and relinquish something.
Compromise means taking the time to understand where your partner is coming from. Go into this conversation with an open mind and empathy towards what your partner is experiencing.
If you can’t reach a compromise involving the both of you traveling together, it’s ok to stick up for what you need and leave for the airport (or train or bus) at different times and meet up there later. This in itself is a compromise—you both get something you want, but don’t have the experience of traveling the first leg of your journey together.
Stress During Your Trip
So, you’ve made it to the airport, train station, or bus station and are on your way. Now what? It’s good to be prepared for certain stressors that might arise once you reach your destination.
Being Somewhere New
Traveling to a new place can be very exciting, but it can also be stressful. Some people have a hard time feeling comfortable in a place they don’t know very well or at all. If this is you, talk to your partner about how you’re feeling; if this is your partner, listen to their concerns.
If you know that you or your partner have a tendency towards anxiety in new places, take the time to plan in advance where exactly you’ll be going and what you’ll be doing.
Making definitive plans and expecting that some stress might rear its ugly head while adjusting to your new surroundings can take the wind out of your or your partner’s worries.
The fear of getting lost in a new place can also contribute to travel stress. Remembering that you and your partner have things like GPS and maps (not to mention locals who could help you out if you get turned around) can mitigate this fear. It might also help to know that you are not alone—you have your partner with you, and will the whole time. If any problems arise, you can work them out together.
FOMO
When planning a trip, you and your partner might want to be sure that you are making the most of your time; however, this can also lead to stress. The pressure of doing everything you want to do can become overwhelming, and might not leave room for you to slow down and enjoy what you are doing in the moment.
There’s something to be said for downtime, so that you’re not just running from activity to activity.
If you know your partner has a tendency to over-plan (or if you’re the culprit here), talk to them about what you can reasonably accomplish in a day. Giving yourselves some time to breathe is always a good thing.
Dealing With Things When They Go Wrong
Maybe you or your partner have trouble coping when things don’t go exactly to plan—this can also add stress to your travels. Talk to your partner about the possibility of things going pear-shaped. If it feels better to have a second (or third or fourth) option for any given activity, do that planning up-front, especially if you or your partner are not what you’d consider spontaneous.
If you know that you or your partner are particularly adept at keeping a cool head in the face of adversity, talk to your partner about how you’d deal with things if they go wrong.
Knowing that one of you, at least, won’t be panicking can help you both get through any challenging situation.
Spending All Your Time Together
Something that you might not think about until it’s actually happening is that on a trip, you and your partner will be together 24/7. For most people, this is different than day-to-day life—maybe you don’t live together, or one or both of you are working and therefore don’t spend all day every day together. This constant time together can cause unforeseen stress.
Even if spending all your time together is not inherently stressful, it is useful to be aware of any differences in your normal routine that might come up.
You or your partner might have to make some accommodations in order to keep the other person comfortable. This could mean anything from taking less time in the bathroom in the morning to changing what time you go to bed. Having conversations about spending this time together can help mitigate any potential friction.
It’s also completely normal and healthy to need—and ask for—some alone time even on a trip with your partner. Everybody needs space now and then.
If you discuss this ahead of time, you can plan for each of you to find something to do alone. Maybe one of you takes a spa day or hangs out by the pool while the other visits a museum they’re interested in. Don’t be ashamed or afraid to have some fun by yourselves.
Steps to Take to Avoid Travel Stress
There are easy things you can do to help keep stress at bay when you’re traveling with your partner:
- Plan, plan, plan: If you know you or your partner functions better with a detailed itinerary, make sure you have things secured ahead of time. This could involve anything from scheduling your daily activities to researching the local public transportation to make sure you are locked and loaded for your trip.
- Make lists: Having everything written down and easy to doublecheck means that you are less likely to forget something important.
- Pack well in advance: This way, if you realize you are missing something (like tiny toothpaste tubes or 4oz bottles for transporting shampoo), you have plenty of time to go get it rather than running around like a maniac at the last minute.
- Decide on your priorities: Having a firm idea of what you and your partner absolutely need to do on your trip (versus things you’d like to do if you have time) can help temper expectations and make it less likely that you or your partner will end up disappointed. And if you do get to every activity on your list, so much the better!
- Don’t panic: It’s rare that you would be visiting a place where you and your partner are completely and utterly alone, with no access to the outside world—therefore, no matter what comes up, chances are you’ll be able to get the help you need.
- Remember…you two are together: Two heads are better than one. With your partner by your side, you can troubleshoot if or when things go awry, and rely on each other’s skills. Maybe you’re a whiz with maps while your partner has a penchant for planning; together, you can make your trip as stress-free as possible.
Final Thoughts
Traveling can be stressful, and especially so when you have your partner with you. You might have different approaches to traveling, or you might find that you or your partner are over-planning in an effort to dispel FOMO. But by planning ahead and communicating your needs to your partner, you can make any trip run smoothly.