When people hear the word tantra, they immediately think of marathon sex, or a book full of gymnast-level positions. Some of this is accurate, but it’s only the tip of the iceberg.
Tantric massage involves sensual touch and energy release and goes beyond conventional massage techniques. It explores the erotic areas of our body that are highly sensitive such as the nipples, breasts, penis, vagina, anus, and vulva. This form of stimulation can be part of foreplay or be considered the act of sex itself—that’s entirely up to you and your partner. And the best part is it can spice up your sex life and deepen your connection with your partner.
Understanding Tantric Massage
Tantric massage is rooted in the ancient spiritual traditions of Tantra. Originating in India around AD 500, Tantra is a complex system that includes practices such as meditation, rituals, and yoga. It aims to achieve spiritual enlightenment and transcend the limitations of the physical world.1
Tantric massage is a subset of these practices. It integrates sensual and erotic elements into a spiritual context. It can play an important role in enhancing intimacy and connection with your body and your partner.
Principles of Tantric Massage
Tantra views the human body as a temple and emphasizes the sacred connection between the physical and spiritual realms. Tantric massage celebrates this connection and works to stimulate and balance the flow of energy to promote vitality.
One of the principles of Tantra is an emphasis on mindfulness. Being fully present in the moment is an important aspect of tantric massage.
Benefits
Tantric retreats have been shown to help women reconnect with their sexuality, and bodies and potentially heal from trauma.2
We spoke with Heather Shannon, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Host of the top-ranked “Ask A Sex Therapist” podcast about the benefits of tantric massage. She thinks of tantra as sexuality meets meditation. Therefore, the benefits of a tantric massage encompass both of these realms.
“Everyone is different and there’s no one-size-fits-all tantric experience. You may experience some of the mental turn-on and physical pleasure you’d experience while being sexual…[you will also tune] in deeply to your present moment experience without judgment and with no agenda,” advised Shannon.
Tantric massage can be a tool for sexual awakening. There’s no pressure to react a certain way. There isn’t an end goal of an orgasm so you can just practice feeling and that can be a great path to awakening libido and kundalini (life force) energy
Tantric massage allows for a powerful combination of mental and physical benefits. Shannon shared that any sex can be present and mindful. However, tantric massage creates a specific place to experience in-the-moment sexual energy during different types of touch and breathing. You may experience an emotional release as energetic blockages are moved out of your system during a tantric massage.
Impact on Relationships and Sexual Well-Being
Shannon explained that the intention of tantric massage is different from an average sexual experience. You simply receive and allow whatever is present to be expressed. By letting go of performance pressure, self-consciousness or other anxieties, you may experience more pleasure with less effort.
In tantric massage, there are clear roles with one partner being the giver and one being the receiver. This allows a lot of clarity and focus, unlike traditional sexual experiences where you’re trying to pleasure your partner while being pleasured.
“Tantric massage can be a tool for sexual awakening. There’s no pressure to react a certain way. There isn’t an end goal of an orgasm so you can just practice feeling and that can be a great path to awakening libido and kundalini (life force) energy,” shared Shannon.
Receiving tantric massage can create a real sense of feeling cared for. It allows you to feel how you feel and express whatever you need to express without worrying about the other person.
Shannon explained that when we work hard at our jobs and give a lot at home, we rarely take time to truly receive. When you’re completely relaxed and receiving, you may gain insight into where your mind normally goes during sex. You’ll come to understand how much you focus on the other person during sexual encounters
Step-by-Step Guide to Giving a Tantric Massage
If you’re looking to add tantric massage to your sex life, here are some points to consider:
Preparation
Shannon shared that safety is her top concern when starting a tantric massage. Check-in with yourself on what your boundaries are and communicate them to your partner. Have an open and honest discussion about both of your intentions.
Create a safe and comfortable place where the sacred experience can occur. Make it warm, secure, private and inviting. Schedule a date and time when there will be no interruptions. Be on the same page about good hygiene practices.
Most importantly, talk about consent before anyone removes clothing or begins touching.
Techniques and Practices
Start the massage by synchronizing your breath and establishing a connection with the receiver. Use deep breathing techniques such as 4–7–8 breathing or mindfulness breathing.
Tantric massage involves slow, deliberate, sensual touch and body exploration. Use a variety of touches, from soft and gentle to more firm and deep. Try different textures to stimulate different sensations and energies. Use circular massage strokes, especially around the sacral and heart areas. This helps awaken the chakras, channel sexual energy throughout the body and release blockages.
Incorporate mindfulness techniques to enhance presence and deepen the connection with your partner. Guide the receiver to do a body scan. Ask them to notice and acknowledge any sensations, tension, or relaxation in each part of their body.
“Remember you can pause or stop at any point if [you or your partner’s] boundaries change — this is part of allowing all aspects of [both of you] to be present,” advises Shannon.
Enhancing the Experience
There are various ways to enhance your tantric massage experience:
- Aromatherapy: Choose essential oils that relax, stimulate, or balance, depending on the intentions of the massage. Lavender and ylang-ylang are popular for relaxation. Use a diffuser to spread the aroma throughout the room, or mix essential oils with a carrier oil for direct skin use.
- Music: Choose music that enhances the massage experience without distracting. Instrumental music, nature sounds, or soft chants can help deepen relaxation.
- Temperature: Ensure the room is comfortably warm since our body temperatures may drop during relaxation. This is especially important when naked or partially undressed during the massage.
- Lighting: Dim lights or use candles to create a soft, inviting glow that encourages relaxation and intimacy.
Aftercare and Integration
After a deeply relaxing or energetically intense massage, your body may feel unusually sensitive or awakened. It can stir a wide range of emotions, from blissful joy to unexpected sadness or vulnerability. It’s important to practice aftercare to gently transition from this heightened energy state to a more centered one.
Here are some grounding techniques to create space for processing, acknowledging and integrating these emotions.
- Nourish the body: Encourage the receiver to drink water and enjoy light snacks to gently bring their attention to their physical body.
- Practice deep breathing: Deep, mindful breathing can help reconnect with the body and the present moment.
- Cover up: Wrapping the body in a warm blanket can provide a sense of security and comfort.
- Talk about the shared experience: Verbally share about what happened and validate each others’ experiences and emotions.
- Reconnect physically: Hold hands, kiss, hug or snuggle to reinforce feelings of care and safety.
- Self-reflect quietly: Journaling, meditating or sitting in nature can help integrate the experience.
Tantric massage can be a great way to rediscover your sexual energy. Shannon advises you to choose someone whom you feel safe with and who respects you (and themselves) to give you a tantric massage.
For those couples who are looking to shake things up in the bedroom, Shannon suggests watching a video course on tantric massage such as Beducated.3
“Allow yourselves to be imperfect if you’re just starting [tantric massage]. You can always attend a tantric workshop or find a tantra teacher later on if this is something you’d like to explore more!” advises Shannon.