Leaden tiredness, dark circles under the eyes up to the cheekbones and sleepless nights in the crib. Probably all parents know this from their baby in the first few months. Several hours awake at night, falling asleep alone seems impossible and mom and dad hardly know the difference between day and night.
Parents and child simply need to sleep for several hours at a time, but restful sleep is hard to come by. But there is also good news: You can help your little one to fall asleep more easily and have a more restful night. In this article, we’ll tell you why your baby might not be sleeping and what you can do if your baby finds it difficult to fall asleep.
Help, my baby isn’t sleeping: How much do babies actually sleep?
If your baby can’t get to sleep or keeps waking up, this can present parents with unexpected challenges. After all, sufficient rest is extremely important for your little one’s development. For you parents, in turn, the lack of rest can have a long-term negative impact – sleep deprivation is torture. But especially in the first few months, restless nights and problems falling asleep are unfortunately completely normal.
Newborns do not yet have a day-night rhythm and do not sleep for more than three to four hours at a time on average, regardless of what time it is. However, they have a high need for sleep in order to best cope with the growth and development phases in the first few months.
This means that, depending on age and stage of development, an infant needs 17 to 18 hours of sleep. The daily sleep requirement decreases with increasing age. Your little one then sleeps less, but also wakes up less often in between – it gradually learns to sleep at night, is awake during the day and develops a sleep rhythm.
If the baby won’t go to sleep: investigate the cause
Unfortunately, some babies, regardless of their age and learning process, have problems falling asleep from time to time – even when they are tired. If your baby doesn’t want to sleep, this can have various causes. But don’t worry: only in the rarest of cases are these organic. If your little one has trouble sleeping, you will have to find out the cause yourself, as it varies from child to child.
Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all answer or a secret recipe that always works if your baby is not sleeping. Be patient with yourself and your little one and try to implement one or two of the tips in this article. Then, after a few weeks, the sleep problems may be a thing of the past.
Reason number 1: False expectations
Many young parents often have the wrong expectations when it comes to baby sleep. A baby doesn’t just fall asleep on its own in the first few months and certainly not sleep through the night. It can help to keep the following points in mind:
- Your baby’s sleep cycles are shorter, sometimes just 30 minutes for newborns
- The proportion of light sleep is much higher for your baby. An adult spends much less time in the REM phase than an infant and sinks into restful deep sleep quite quickly. Your baby, on the other hand, spends around 20 minutes in the active REM phase, then goes into transitional sleep and only then into restful deep sleep.
- The proportion of deep sleep is highest for your child until around midnight. Most babies sleep best until shortly after midnight and are then in the light sleep phase.
Reason number 2: Your baby has a strong need for closeness
There are babies who need a lot of cuddling and therefore don’t want to fall asleep or sleep through the night. The reason for this lies once again in evolution: babies instinctively seek closeness to their parents, as they would have starved or frozen to death as little Stone Age babies if they had not been very close to their parents’ bodies.
Unfortunately, there is a widespread opinion that babies should be allowed to cry in order to train them to soothe themselves. This questionable view comes from a time when the welfare of the child was not always the priority. Don’t let these statements get to you too much, because science has moved on in the meantime.
Reason number 3: Sensory overload
Discovering the world can be exhausting. Babies are quickly overwhelmed by the many new impressions. Especially if the day has been particularly stressful, you have been out and about a lot with your little one, your baby has seen lots of faces, colors and sounds and may have been carried in different arms. This is known as sensory overload.
You can recognize this by the fact that your child is fussy and restless, turns their head back and forth and cries loudly and often. Make sure that stressful situations remain the absolute exception and bring calm into your everyday life. With a little time, your little one will be able to process impressions better. So reduce your activities and bring a clear rhythm into your everyday life.
Reason number 4: The sleeping environment is not ideal
It sounds almost banal: But sometimes babies simply don’t sleep well because the sleeping environment is not ideal. So check the crib once. Is the mattress perhaps uncomfortable? Could it be better placed somewhere else? Is the room nicely darkened and ventilated? Does the baby have too much clothing on? Or is it too warm in the room? The optimum sleeping temperature for babies, as for adults, is 18 degrees, as the body temperature drops slightly at night.
Read More: Night terrors in children and babies: more than just a nightmare
If it is too warm, falling asleep and staying asleep can be disturbed. Also check your child’s clothes and sleeping bag: is there perhaps a scratchy label hidden somewhere? Last but not least, you should keep displays, toys and cuddly toys away from the crib – in other words, all the distracting things that encourage play instead of sleep.
Some babies like to sleep in their own crib or even in their own room – all to themselves. Others, on the other hand, need a lot of closeness at night and prefer to sleep in their parents’ bedroom. In this case, an extra bed or even the option of a family bed is the better choice.
Even if the medical recommendation is that babies sleep most safely in their own bed, you need to find out what suits you and your baby best. Many midwives, for example, recommend a family bed as long as all safety measures are observed.
So your baby sleeps safely in the family bed:
- Look out for hard mattresses, no waterbeds or soft toppers.
- A large bed that the baby cannot fall out of.
- No bed scribbles.
- Your baby should sleep in their own sleeping bag, no pillows or blankets.
- As parents, you should not have drunk alcohol or taken any medication or drugs.
- Older siblings should never sleep next to the baby.
- Parents’ comforters and pillows should be out of reach of the baby.
Reason number 5: A growth spurt or teething
Every few months, your child will experience a new growth spurt. Your baby then makes a big leap in development, develops its brain and numerous skills and your child’s body can also continue to grow in spurts. All of this is particularly challenging for your little one and their whole world is turned upside down.
Of course, such spurts can also have an impact on sleep. Many children sleep less well during growth spurts, wake up more often or wake up particularly early. Try to take these phases in your stride, give your little one lots of closeness and stick to your rhythm and bedtime rituals.
At around 7 or 8 months of age, the first teeth may also begin to appear. Some babies are completely unaffected by this, while others react particularly sensitively to the first teeth. This can also manifest itself in sleep problems. Teeth usually grow in spurts: for a few days and nights there is pressure, itching and pain, then things calm down again.
During teething, your baby often brings his hands to his mouth, smacks a lot, has an increased flow of saliva and may even react with fever and diarrhea. Try to give your baby some relief. At night, you can raise your baby’s mattress slightly from chest height with a wedge pillow, for example, as lying down usually increases the pain as the head is particularly well supplied with blood in this position.
If the baby is not sleeping: rule out organic causes
If the sleep problems persist, it is certainly advisable to see your pediatrician. You can then check that there is no chronic illness or acute infection behind it. If, for example, your baby still suffers from bad flatulence after the first three to four months, tosses and turns and often has diarrhea, it makes sense to test your little one for an allergy or food intolerance.
This may also be the reason why the baby is not sleeping. Other children who cry a lot, can hardly be soothed and do not want to or cannot sleep may have a vertebral or joint blockage – triggered by a difficult and strenuous birth with a suction cup, forceps or even a caesarean section. However, this is only rarely the case.
However, if your baby cries shrilly and appears to have limited motor skills, it is best to consult a doctor or book an appointment at an osteopathy practice. The problem can often be solved with just a few sessions and most children sleep a few more hours afterwards.
It can have a huge impact on your everyday family life if your little one has problems falling asleep and staying asleep. If you feel that you can no longer cope with the situation on your own, you can also seek professional support from advice centers and therapy facilities. During a sleep consultation, many parents can learn how to deal with and interact with their child in a professional manner. Aspects that are dealt with here include
- Information about sleep development and sleeping habits of babies and toddlers, for example with the help of a sleep diary
- Structuring the daily routine and developing an individual bedtime ritual together
- Recognizing tiredness in the baby
Be gentle with yourself – eventually your baby will fall asleep better
As already mentioned, most children have problems falling asleep and staying asleep at some point. It is therefore perfectly normal if your baby wakes up from time to time during the night or does not yet sleep through the night and finds it difficult to fall asleep and cannot settle down in the evening. Only in rare cases are there worrying and organic causes.
The reasons why a baby does not sleep well are usually harmless – but varied. Even if it is sometimes difficult, always try to remain calm and investigate the causes step by step. Find your routines and rituals and give yourself and your baby time. Then your nights will soon become calmer.