When two people feel close and connected, their participation in sexual acts can be deemed as intimate sex. While casual sex (which doesn’t involve future expectations or a romantic, emotional commitment) has merit, adding intimacy can improve a person’s sexual experience.1
Here we explore the many benefits of being intimate with a partner sexually, along with both non-physical and physical ways to create more intimate sex. We also discuss help available for individuals and couples who seek greater sexual intimacy in their relationships.
Benefits of Intimate Sex
Being involved in an intimate romantic relationship has been linked to several benefits, some of which include:23
- Better mood
- Boosted immunity
- Fewer somatic symptoms, such as pain and fatigue
- Greater satisfaction with the relationship4
- Greater sexual satisfaction5
- Higher level of life satisfaction
- Improved healing
- Improved heart health
- Increased longevity
- Lower blood pressure
- Lower risk of depression
- More happiness
- Reduced age-related disease risk
- Reduced stress
A higher level of intimacy in romantic, long-term relationships is also associated with more sexual desire which, in turn, raises the odds that more sexual activity will occur.6
Non-Physical Ways to Increase Sexual Intimacy
Achieving sexually intimate experiences starts outside the bedroom. Here are a few non-sexual ways to boost sexual intimacy with a partner.
Make Time to Be Together
When our calendars are packed, it’s important to schedule time for intimacy. We can do this by setting aside quality time regularly, as we would for any other priority in our lives. During this time, turn off the cell phones and get rid of other distractions to better concentrate on each other.
Make It Okay to Enjoy Sex
Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that it’s okay to want sexual pleasure. This reminder can help us initiate sex more frequently, and having more sex with our significant other can make our bond stronger—potentially even contributing to a longer relationship.7
Communicate Openly
If the goal is more intimate sex, it’s also helpful to truly listen to our partner. Some people need intimacy before becoming sexual while others want sex before they can become intimate. Misunderstandings can ensue if we don’t talk to our partners to understand their needs.
Keeping an open line of communication enables us to learn about our partner’s desires and preferences in terms of sexual intimacy.
Strengthen Emotional Intimacy
Sharing our emotions and being vulnerable can sometimes be challenging, especially when it comes to sexual relations. But greater emotional intimacy leads to stronger trust,8 and when trust is established in a relationship, we are often willing to take greater risks.
For instance, we might be more open to indulging in playfulness or acting out sexual fantasies. A willingness to try new things can increase excitement and satisfaction, resulting in a closer bond and enhanced sexual pleasure.
Be Appreciative
Another way to increase sexual intimacy is to express thanks for our partner’s loving gestures. If they drove the kids to sports practice or cooked a special dinner, tell them that their actions are appreciated.
It’s easier to be in the mood for sexual activities when we feel appreciated. Plus, when we express gratitude to our partners, they are also more motivated to fill our sexual needs.9 That makes this sexual intimacy tip a benefit for both parties involved.
Physical Ways to Increase Sexual Intimacy
There are also several physical ways to spice up our relationship. Exciting activities that can lead to intimate sex run the gamut from kissing to oral sex. Here are some other physical things we can do.
Be Flirty
When we’re in a long-term relationship, we sometimes forget the value of being flirty with our partner. But taking this approach is one way to promote their desire for sex, leading to greater sexual intimacy.
Research indicates that the type of flirting that is most effective can vary based on sex. While flirtatious acts that suggest greater sexual access tend to work better for men, those that suggest an emotional commitment and/or exclusivity are often more effective for women.10
Sending an R-rated text may be more effective for male partners while sending a text that reinforces a commitment to the relationship may work better for a female partner.
Engage in Foreplay
Some couples may feel as if there’s not enough time for foreplay before sex, especially if they have kids or a busy home and work life. But foreplay can increase sexual enjoyment while also leading to easier orgasm.11 So, there are benefits to allowing time for arousal.
Foreplay is an important step in warming up to intimate sex. Simply kissing our partner tenderly or giving them a sensual massage can set the mood for what’s to come.
Lock Eyes
Prolonged eye contact from across the room or during foreplay is another way to physically engage with our partners, increasing their desire for intimate sex. Looking intently at the person we love can show our readiness to move forward intimately.
Express Physical Affection
Physical affection can be expressed through multiple gestures. We can cuddle on the couch, massage our partner’s shoulders, or hold their hands. Sensual forms of intimacy are important too, like sharing a delicious, decadent dessert or having our partner massage our body with oils.
Don’t Forget Orgasms
In one study about partner intimate touch and interpersonal closeness, scientists measured closeness after orgasmic meditation, a partnered non-verbal practice that includes genital touch. Researchers found that partner-intimate touching increased feelings of closeness.12
This point may be more important for women as studies have found that they typically have more orgasms when in a committed relationship as opposed to when they participate in casual sex.13
Getting Help for More Intimate Sex
A warm and intimate sex life supports greater health. For individuals who are having difficulties in their sexual relationships or can’t find closeness and connectedness with the people they are dating or living with, it can be helpful to seek help about this matter.
Both in-person and online sex therapy practitioners can help uncover issues, and then work to turn them around. Don’t be embarrassed about looking for such assistance. These well-trained specialists can offer guidance on how to find the loving and satisfying relationships we seek…and truly deserve.