Sexual repression refers to when a person prevents themselves from feeling or experiencing their natural sexual urges and desires. Someone who is repressed sexually will often hold negative ideas toward sex, sometimes considering the act, and everything associated with it, wrong.
Here we take a deeper look into the history of sexual repression, its causes, and signs that may suggest a person is sexually repressed. We also examine how societal systems might contribute to this effect, as well as possible methods to overcome sexual repression.
History of Sexual Repression
Sigmund Freud was one of the earliest thought leaders for sexual repression. He proposed that children as young as six and seven to 10- and 11-year-olds can develop a mental model that causes them to classify sex as disgusting, shameful, and immoral. These feelings may then be concretized in adulthood, causing poor adjustment to sexual feelings and situations.
Because of Freud’s work, it was theorized that many mental illnesses were a result of involuntary sexual repression.1 Although this thought is considered somewhat out of date, it has helped shape modern psychological theories about sexuality and sexual behaviors.
By drawing links between suppression and mental illness, the negative consequences of repression have received some attention.2
Causes of Sexual Repression
Sexual repression may be caused by several factors.
Society’s Treatment of Sex
Sex has long been painted as an immoral subject. In societies and communities where it is considered a taboo topic to discuss, sex may only be spoken of in condemnation. This is sometimes the case within religions that restrict sexual expression.3
In human beings, sexual interest may develop from a very young age. Similarly, repulsion to intimate encounters can also begin during adolescence or around the teenage years.
When a young person reaches puberty, their body goes through many changes that trigger curiosity about sex. If their environment treats sex as a taboo subject, they may not feel comfortable asking questions and begin to view sex and sexuality in a negative light. A persistent negative view may lead to sexual repression.
Past Traumatic Encounters
For people who’ve experienced sexual trauma, engaging in sex acts or even thoughts of sex may trigger past traumatic experiences.4 To keep from being triggered, they might repress their thoughts and desires toward sex, shutting them off.
If you are a survivor of sexual assault, you can contact the RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 to receive confidential support from a trained staff member at a local RAINN affiliate.
For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.
Signs of Sexual Repression
A person may be sexually repressed without even knowing it. Here are some behaviors that may signal sexual repression.
Discomfort With Sex
One marker of repression is unease around sexual matters. A person may find that they are embarrassed or unable to maintain their composure during talks around sex. A repressed person may also feel anxious before or during sex for no identifiable reason.
Guilt or Shame Following Sex
Repression can take away the joy and pleasure commonly associated with sex. Instead, overwhelming grief may occur when a repressed person gives in to sex or thoughts of being intimate with other people. Tears, shame at submitting to desires, and self-repulsion are all traits associated with sexual repression.
Difficulty Finding Pleasure in Sex
When a person considers sex inappropriate, it can be difficult to appreciate the act. Sexually repressed people will often endure, rather than enjoy intercourse with partners. This can lead to dissatisfaction and unhappiness between sexual partners. It can also form an unhealthy relationship with sex.
Discomfort With Nudity
While people may experience discomfort at looking at naked images for several reasons, this distress may be observed in sexually repressed individuals. Suppressed sexuality can cause a person to view the nude form as immoral or displeasing, also potentially spiking their own self-consciousness and general unhappiness with their appearance.
Consequences of Sexual Repression
When feelings of shame and despair are attached to this natural bodily function, it can produce negative sexual, emotional, and even physical effects.
Conflicting Feelings Toward Sex
Looking at a partner or someone attractive can produce certain stirrings. Common reactions to these feelings include sexual fantasies or masturbation. Either response is healthy and expected. However, when these reactions are experienced by a person with sexual repression, it can cause confusing feelings.
Repression can cause them to feel shame at the body’s acknowledgment of sexual stimulation. Thoughts of masturbation or engaging in the act can lead to considerable distress. This may spark conflicting feelings toward intimate sexual sessions.
Moral Confusion
When sexual repression is stimulated by religious teachings, having positive responses to sexual scenarios can spur an internal debate that causes the person to question their morals. Because sexual thoughts and feelings are categorized as sin, they may worry about their moral standing.
Pain During Sex
Repression can cause both fear and tension during sex, which can lead to pain during intercourse. For example, for women, tension can manifest as vaginismus—a condition where the vaginal walls tighten in fear of penetration of any kind.5
The fear and tension felt can be irrespective of the level of comfort with a sexual partner or the amount of ease during intercourse.
Sexual Performance Issues
Ideally, sex is a no-pressure exercise between willing partners. However, when repression-based guilt and shame rear their head, this can cause strain during intimate moments. Anxiety, embarrassment, or unhappiness at doing something that they consider “wrong” can affect a person’s performance and delight during sex.
Suppressed Sexual Orientation
Within certain religions or communities, the only acceptable form of intercourse is between two people of the opposite sex. Because of this, a person might learn to hate themselves and the feelings they hold for a person of the same gender.
Being unable to express a natural attraction to others can lead to questions about sexuality. It can also cause disappointment during sexual encounters.
How to Cope With Sexual Repression
A person dealing with sexual repression can eventually find pleasure in sex. Here are a few strategies for coping with repression.
Recognize Repressed Traits
Developing a new attitude toward sex may require accepting previous ideas about sex as unhealthy and unrealistic. It calls for an understanding of how one’s environment can negatively shape the beliefs they hold.
By understanding and learning to accept the different ways that repression can develop, a person can avoid denying its effects. This can be an important first step toward creating healthier sexual beliefs,6 which can also contribute to a healthier sex life.
Keep Communication Open
Because sexual repression compels strong discomfort around sex, ease is required to undo these feelings. Keeping a partner updated about one’s thoughts and feelings can encourage greater comfort around the subject of sex.
Seek Professional Help
Working with an expert can help with identifying what’s behind a person’s sexual repression, their triggers, and any other factors that encourage its continued effects. In addition to targeting repressed feelings, therapists can share effective strategies for getting comfortable with and enjoying intimate moments.
Sex therapy can assist individuals and couples as they navigate sexual difficulties. Through expert help, individuals and partners can learn to enjoy intimate moments.