Dating apps have a bad reputation—a lot of people think of them as a way to find a quick hookup you’ll never see again. And, well, some dating apps are meant for exactly that (here’s looking at you, Grindr). But plenty of others are filled with people seeking serious, long-term and committed relationships, and they’re structured in ways to help you find a partner.
Finding the love you’re looking for on an app can be easier than you may fear, but the key is using the right app for you. How can you possibly know which app that is? We’re here to help you figure that out.
As someone who’s been online and app dating since the days when AOL had a dating platform, and who found nearly every woman I’ve been in a relationship with virtually, I’ve gone on countless dates over the decades. I can tell you with confidence that the app you choose makes all the difference in finding a relationship.
At a Glance
In order to find love on an app, avoid ones meant for hookups, and instead use ones centered around long-term relationships. Some of your best options are:
- Bumble
- Ok Cupid
- Inner Circle
- Hinge
Once you’re on the app, be honest, genuine, and friendly. When you’re ready to meet someone, choose a public location that feels safe. By following our tips, the love waiting for you just may be quick to find.
Why It’s Important to Choose the Right App
With three in 10 people having used a dating app at one point, and over 50% of people under 30 using them, this way of finding a match is nothing new.1
But when someone mentions the phrase “dating app” if you aren’t super familiar with that world you might automatically think of Tinder. Tinder is still one of the most popular apps, but there are so many others—designed for specific goals and desires—to try.
But of course, plenty of people on dating apps aren’t looking for a long-term match. In order to find the long-term love you’re looking for, your best bet is to use an app with that mission in mind.
That means using an app that is thorough in its processes, from profile questions to how it selects users to show you, is created for people seeking relationships.
Features to Consider in Dating Apps
Before you start downloading every app out there, you should first know what to look for in an app. Here are the top priorities for dating apps that will help you find a LTR.
- Thorough Profiles: Apps that ask lots of questions about your life and tastes are much better than ones that focus only on photos and the most basic of personal info.
- Safety Features: In-app chat and video messaging can prevent catfishing, thus scaring off the less serious out there.
- Prompts and Ice Breakers: Many apps facilitate you getting started talking to a match by asking you both the same question and popping up a mutual chat window in which to answer.
- Social Media Linkage: You can more easily verify that a person is real, and learn about their life, when an app links to a social media profile.
- Inability to send lewd content: You won’t have to weed through the hookup-ready nearly as much on an app that screens for the exchange of genital pics and bans users for sending them.
- Demographics: The more tailored to you that a dating app is, the better your chance of finding someone right for you on it. There are apps for people of various religions, sexualities, ethnicities, and more.
- Verification: Apps with features that verify your identity through live photos drastically reduce, if not fully eliminate, the amount of people who are using someone else’s photos (AKA catfishers). Additionally, people who aren’t serious about meeting may be less likely to take that step.
Top Dating Apps for Serious Relationships
Here are some apps to help you get started on the quest for love. Our focus is on apps that offer at least some free features and offer inclusive options for gender, pronouns, and sexuality.
We want to note that these apps are not demographic specific, but rather are great for anyone. We also appreciate demographic-specific apps, such as Her for women who love women, OurTime for people over 50, and Chispa, which is for the Latinx population.
Bumble
Recommended by Clinical and Educational Psychologist Aura De Los Santos, she tells us that “the verification process makes it a safe app, which can help to avoid cheating and time wasting.”
Additionally, she says that “for there to be communication from both parties, the woman has to initiate the conversation so that the other person can respond. This gives a sense of security to women, where they can avoid unwanted comments and conversations with men.”
OK Cupid
Young people who might be put off by the more conservative nature of older apps like Match or eHarmony will find OK Cupid to be a breath of fresh air. It has comprehensive profiles that offer tons of info, and you have the option of answering even more questions.
It then shows you people based on how similarly you responded to questions, showing you the percentage you have in common. This takes away the focus on photos and shifts it to personality, lifestyle, and other deeper and more important factors.
Inner Circle
Another recommendation by De Los Santos based on her personal experience with it, Inner Circle posits itself as “a curated app that screens every profile to build a community of ambitious, driven, and life-loving singles.”
“Many people on this app are looking for serious relationships, which is a plus for those who are looking for this as well,” says De Los Santos
Hinge
With the slogan “Designed to be deleted,” Hinge is all about helping you find lasting love. It has lots of personal prompts that provide a variety of unique information about potential matches, and you like specific details of the person’s profile instead of swiping.
It even has a function called “We met” that polls users about whether or not they met someone they matched with, and if so, how likely they were to go out with that person again.
Tips for Success
Now that you know where to begin, here are some tips to get the most out of your dating app experience.
- Use Your Time Wisely: Only swipe right on people you’re actually interested in.
- Clarity is Key: If you’re seeking a long term relationship, make that clear in your profile. Checking boxes denoting that you’re open to hookups or casually dating may attract the wrong crowd.
- Be Genuine: Post photos that look like you currently, and list your hobbies as your actual ones, not aspirational ideas.
- Avoid Emotional Labor requests: If you don’t understand a term or acronym in someone’s profile, Google it.
- It’s OK to Just Say Hi: If you match with someone and can’t think of what to say, a simple hello is better than silence.
- Everyone loves questions: Asking someone a simple question about themself is a great ice breaker. Compliments are great too!
- Be Safe: If a convo goes awry, or if someone suggests meeting and you don’t feel comfortable with them, there’s nothing wrong with ending the connection. Always trust your instincts!
- Know Your Goals: If you want kids, be sure to check that box, and avoid swiping right on someone who doesn’t.
- It’s Often Worth The Money: Consider paying for a month of an app, as it will provide you with features such as the ability to see everyone who has liked you, which can save you a good bit of time from weeding through profiles.