Being in a new relationship can be exciting. However, if you’ve recently been through a breakup and aren’t over your ex yet, it may be a rebound relationship.
A rebound relationship is when you enter a relationship as a reaction to a previous relationship, while you’re still contending with issues raised by the past breakup, says Micaela Stein, LCSW at Humantold.
A rebound is often brief, and can be emotionally confusing, as you may be unsure of what you want and are still heavily emotionally engaged with the past, says Stein. “Most people find themselves in rebound relationships unconsciously, but sometimes it is very intentional.”
This article explores the characteristics of rebound relationships and how they can impact you.
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Characteristics of a Rebound Relationship
These are some of the signs of rebound relationships, according to Stein:
- Recent breakup: The surest sign of a rebound relationship is that the person has recently come out of a serious relationship.
- Comparisons to an ex: Another sign of a rebound relationship might include comparing a current partner to an ex—even favorably—as it is a sign that the previous relationship is still being worked through.
- Fear of commitment: Someone in a rebound relationship may want to avoid commitment.
- Rapid pace: On the other hand, someone in a rebound relationship may want to speed up the dating process to get back to the intimate and entwined state of their previous relationship.
Rebound relationships can look like a lot of different things, but if you feel like there is a third person in the room with you—your partner’s ex or your own—that is something to address.
Why People Seek Rebound Relationships
Below, Stein lists some of the reasons why people might seek rebound relationships.
To Get Over a Breakup
Breakups can be very painful and difficult, and the period after can be a time of major confusion, loneliness, and insecurity. A person having these feelings might seek validation, company, and distraction through a new relationship.
Often, rebound relationships are about the person who has been through a difficult breakup trying to meet their social, physical, and emotional needs. Sometimes this is at the expense of their new partner, who they might struggle to see fully with all the emotional turmoil they are experiencing.
To Form an Emotional Connection
A person might also seek out a rebound relationship to playfully begin to connect with others.
This process can sometimes this can be healing, if they’re honest and open with their partner about their emotional state and capacity. It can work to affirm their identity and make them feel excited about life again after a difficult breakup.
Having conscious awareness about one’s emotional needs and limitations following a breakup is very important for maintaining mental well-being, and can help prevent unhealthy behaviors to cover up or avoid negative emotions.
Impact of a Rebound Relationship
Rebound relationships can affect the mental health of both partners. Stein outlines some of the effects below.
Impact on Your Mental Health
If you have entered into a rebound relationship after a breakup, it’s important to check in with yourself to make sure there isn’t any emotional work you’re avoiding.
A rebound can be a useful and fun way to affirm a new beginning, but it can also be destructive if you’re using it to avoid the painful emotions that come with a breakup, including being alone and learning to be independent again.
Breakups can be amazing learning opportunities, and sometimes rebound relationships can actually prevent growth and lead to stagnation. You might not truly process your past relationship or breakup, and miss the opportunity for personal growth that is tied to experiencing those negative emotions.
How it Affects Your Partner’s Mental Health
Rebound relationships can be nurturing and healthy, if they are what both parties want and need at a particular moment in their lives.
However, if both parties are not on the same page about where they are emotionally, and one member is fully present in the relationship while the other is reacting to the past, it can be a challenge to both people’s well-being.
Feeling rejected, unseen, and confused are common reactions to being in a relationship with someone who is not ready. It is normal for this to activate anxious attachment and feelings of insecurity.
If a relationship is making you feel less secure in yourself, it is worth exploring why you are in that relationship, and whether it’s really worth your time and energy.
Can Rebound Relationships Last?
“Rebound relationships typically last between one month and a year, and commonly struggle to last past the initial infatuation period. They are often not based on deep compatibility, so differences can start to strain the connection,” says Stein.
According to her, one or both members might also need to be single for a time, to actually perform the work for personal growth that should have occurred after their last breakup.
That said, she adds that rebound relationships can certainly turn into long-term, committed relationships.
In these scenarios, the relationship grows past its “rebound” status by no longer being a reactionary relationship, but instead evolving into a serious connection that is about the joyful present and building a future together, says Stein. “These relationships, like any healthy relationship, are based on mutual respect, trust, support for each other’s growth, and compassion.”
What to Do If You’re in a Rebound Relationship
If you find yourself in a rebound relationship, Stein recommends asking yourself whether this is a healthy situation for you.
If you have begun a new relationship shortly after a breakup, she says to ask yourself the following questions:
- Am I processing the past relationship?
- Have I learned from it?
- Am I uncomfortable being alone?
- Am I relying on someone else to validate my worth?
If you are in a relationship with someone who is on the rebound, she says to ask yourself the following questions:
- Are my needs being met in this dynamic?
- Does this person have the capacity for the kind of connection I want?
- Do I feel lonely in this relationship?
- Is there a third person in this relationship?