Compatibility is an important ingredient in relationships because it is the basis of how well you and your partner get along together.
Things like being physically attracted to each other or having complementary astrology signs may indicate surface level compatibility. However, true compatibility often involves sharing the same values, beliefs, interests, goals, and lifestyles, says Claudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Seven Destinies of Love.”
“Compatibility involves being in alignment with one another in a way that allows you to function together harmoniously,” de Llano says.
In this article, we discuss the importance of compatibility in relationships and explore 10 signs that can indicate that you and your partner are compatible with each other.
Importance of Compatibility
Compatibility is an important factor to consider when you begin dating someone.
In fact, research shows that when people meet potential partners, they unconsciously test them for compatibility against their internal criteria list.1 A 2022 study notes that people tend to weigh the similarities and differences between themselves and potential partners in order to check whether they’re compatible and whether a romantic relationship is viable.2
You may know you’re compatible with someone when you feel like you relate to them, you enjoy their company, and your values align in important areas.
Being compatible doesn’t necessarily mean that you and your partner share all the same traits, hobbies, interests, and views but it does mean that you have a lot in common and you can communicate effectively in order to work out any differences.
If you and your partner are not compatible with each other, you may have different views and approaches to things, which can lead to difficulty communicating and frequent conflict in the relationship.
10 Signs of Compatibility in a Relationship
These are 10 signs that can indicate you and your partner are compatible with each other.
Positive Interactions
A major sign of compatibility is positive interactions.
The positive positive interactions between you and your partner should outweigh the conflicts and negative experiences, says de Llano.
In the initial stages of a relationship, this can mean that you and your partner hit it off well with each other and feel attracted to one another when you meet. Your interactions foster mutual positive regard and active engagement with each other.
As you spend more time with each other, you may feel like you can relate to them and be excited to share more and more of yourself with them, while wanting to learn more about them. Over time, you develop trust and become comfortable with each other.
Similar Values
According to de Llano, one of the key indicators of compatibility is having similar views and values when it comes to important areas, such as:
- Family
- Work
- Lifestyle
- Finances
- Social life
- Politics
- Religion/spirituality
- Ethics
- World views
Research shows that having similar attitudes as your partner is linked to greater happiness and relationship satisfaction; whereas, having contrasting attitudes is linked to greater stress, conflict, and depression.3
Shared Long-Term Goals
Another sign of compatibility is wanting the same things out of life and your relationship. If you and your partner have aligned long-term goals, you can work toward them together.
On the other hand, if you and your partner want different things, you may be at odds with each other. For instance, if one of you wants children and the other doesn’t, this could cause conflict and potentially be a deal-breaker in your relationship.
Physical Attraction
Physical attraction and chemistry is another important ingredient when it comes to compatibility.
In many cases, instant physical attraction (more commonly known as “love at first sight”) can bring people closer together and inspire them to make an effort to spend time with each other and get to know one another.
On the other hand, it is also possible for physical attraction to develop and grow over time between people who are emotionally and intellectually compatible and have a lot of shared interests.
However, it’s important to remember that physical attraction alone shouldn’t be mistaken for compatibility. It may be helpful to exercise greater caution if there is extremely strong initial physical attraction as this chemistry may sometimes cause people to ignore or overlook other signs of incompatibility.
Emotional Alignment
In order to be compatible, you and your partner need to be emotionally aligned with each other.
This involves being attuned to each other’s feelings and being on similar wavelengths emotionally, which can help you develop a deep emotional connection with one another. This will gradually translate to a feeling of closeness, trust, and intimacy in the relationship.
Even if you and your partner are always not on the exact same wavelength emotionally, you need to able to communicate what you’re feeling and request what you need to feel more connected and attuned.
Similar Sense of Humor
Sharing a similar sense of humor and finding joy in each other’s company can contribute to compatibility. Laughter and playfulness can help create a positive and enjoyable relationship dynamic.
Radical Honesty
Another indicator of compatibility is feeling comfortable in your own skin when you’re with your partner. It can be wonderful to feel like you can be your true, authentic self around them and don’t feel like you have to keep secrets or hide any part of yourself from them.
A good sign of compatibility is being able to be completely honest about your feelings, hopes, and dreams without judgment.
Mutual Support
While it’s great if you and your partner have the same preferences, hobbies, and interests, you don’t necessarily have to like all the same things in order to be compatible.
However, compatibility does mean enthusiastically supporting and encouraging each other’s hobbies and passions. It also means respecting and accommodating their preferences, even if they’re different from yours.
Effective Communication
In order to be compatible, you and your partner must be able to communicate effectively. This means being able to understand and speak each other’s love language so you can give and receive love in fulfilling ways.
It also means being able to communicate constructively in order to resolve conflicts, says de Llano. This involves being able to express yourself freely, actively listen to your partner, find solutions together, and make compromises for each other.
Acceptance
While your partner may have many positive qualities, as human beings we all have some more challenging qualities too. True compatibility means being aware of the other’s shortcomings and practicing accepting them for who they are, flaws and imperfections and all, as long as there is not intentional harm being done to anyone.
Compatibility Over Time
It’s important to note that compatibility is complex and can change as a relationship progresses, says de Llano.
For example, your compatibility may increase if you and your partner adopt each other’s views and personality traits, and become more similar to each other over time.4 However, your compatibility may be eroded if your emotional baggage surfaces and clashes with your partner’s unresolved issues, de Llano explains.
“A strong foundation of communication, empathy, and personal development by each partner is essential to maintaining compatibility,” says de Llano.