Redefining Sobriety: The Rise of the California Sober Lifestyle

If you close your eyes and think of the word sobriety, your mind might wander to a room full of people discussing their addictions. There’s probably a mentor involved, there might be a coin that you receive at certain milestones, and the whole event is shrouded in a fair amount of anonymity. That’s the model we know, the abstinence-only 12-step model of sobriety practiced by groups like Alcoholics Anonymous since 1935.

But that pathway to a healthier relationship with substances like alcohol or drugs is not the only one. California Sober is a methodology that is coming to be known more and more in recovery circles. For some, it’s a lifeline; for others, it’s seen as blasphemy.

What Is California Sober?

California sober is where someone in recovery abstains from so-called hard drugs like cocaine and heroin but continues to consume other substances, most commonly marijuana and alcohol. Proponents see it as a form of harm reduction, while opponents view it as the precipice of a slippery slope.

While there is limited research on the benefits of a California sober (or similar) lifestyle1 when compared to that of addictions research more broadly,2 there are many public discussions about the topic, sometimes led by celebrities. One of those stars, singer Demi Lovato, initially came out with a documentary series citing the lifestyle as core to their recovery.

Now, just a few years later, they have shifted gears, acknowledging publicly that the lifestyle led to relapse. Those who spoke to us for this story and mentioned celebrities like Lovato were quick to point out that just because your recovery is based on abstinence or something closer to a California sober way of living does not mean you will always be in one category or the other. Recovery, like life, is fluid.

Why Is a California Sober Lifestyle Controversial?

“It’s hard for someone who’s trying to get sober to watch somebody else live out their fantasy.”

Those are the words of Bill Blaber CARC, CRPA, director of the recovery coaching program at Mountainside Treatment Center, who himself is in long-term recovery. He says that part of the reason the California sober lifestyle can be such a hot-button issue within recovery communities is that these journeys are not linear and not equal.

“The reason I think it’s controversial is there’s so many people out there who do need to be abstinent, right? And there’s a little bit of envy, there’s a little bit of judgment when they know that someone out there could be [California] sober,” says Blaber.

Jason VanRuler (LPC-MH), a South Dakota-based counselor in private practice at Solomon Recovery who is in recovery and does drink alcohol on occasion, boils down the friction to the fundamental meaning of the term sober.

“Just by nature of the word, sobriety would mean to completely abstain from, and so I think why this becomes controversial is because it’s kind of a contradictory phrase,” explains VanRuler.

But even those who are skeptical of the benefits of being California sober, like the co-founder of the digital recovery community, Loosid, MJ Gottlieb, say that it can still be a tool to help people understand their addiction as long as they are searching for the root cause of the issue.

“There could be real alcoholics that are having extreme benefits of California sober, I’m not one of them… I was one of the people that wrecked towns and villages as a result of smoking a simple joint, which then made me romanticize a simple drink, which then had me romanticize a simple eight-ball, which then had me waking up inside of a jail cell.”

Does Being California Sober Work?

Blaber—who is adamant that California sober techniques fall well within the boundaries of harm reduction—says that a common misconception is that people following the framework are being cavalier about their substance use. He says that what is actually needed in order for success, like he’s seen with clients over his career, is a foundation and a direction.

“California sober isn’t ‘Oh, I’m gonna use what I feel like it.’… there needs to be a plan, a wellness plan behind it,” says Blaber.

In VanRuler’s case, his consumption of alcohol is highly self-regulated. He will only drink on Friday and Saturday nights and does not consume more than two in any one evening. He says that it’s important for him to be continually in tune with his boundaries.

“If for some reason that would change and I’m no longer able to kind of follow these guidelines that I’ve set out for myself, I’d be done with alcohol.”

How Do Mental Health Practitioners View the Idea of Being California Sober?

Dr. Evan Espinosa, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and member of the leadership team at Recovia, says that being California Sober can have its benefits but that it can sometimes be harder than other forms of staying away from harmful substances.

“Because you really have to do a lot of deep diving on it yourself, your cravings, your triggers, your overall ability, and how you are maintaining progress towards your goals, as opposed to if you’re just sober-sober, the answer’s no to everything,” Espinosa explains.

Espinosa recommends his clients spend 30 days entirely sober from all substances so that they can identify these triggers, cravings, needs, and wants. From there, people can choose whether something like being California sober might be a good fit for them. He says methods like psychoeducation and motivational interviewing are ideal when it comes to supporting those in the early stages of recovery to ask things of themselves.

“How do you find [ways of] coping in your social self, your emotional self, your spiritual self, in your behaviors? Let’s get you set up with a routine when your brain can get dopamine and serotonin from other more natural, healthy sources outside of just drugs,” Espinosa adds.

Benefits of Being California Sober

Thinking of exploring a California sober lifestyle? Here are some potential benefits and downfalls to consider:

Pros:

• It can be a gateway to recovery, a tool in the toolbox.
• It can allow you to reevaluate your relationship with substances individually rather than as a whole.
• It can ease the transition.
• It can keep you sober from the substances causing the most harm in your life.
• It can give you permission to see yourself within a recovery framework while also using some substances for other reasons. For example, using marijuana for chronic pain.

Cons:

• It can result in relapse—sometimes now called recurrence.
• It can require more work in terms of areas of your self like self-discipline, as compared to an abstinence-only approach.
• It may leave you isolated in some recovery communities by people who don’t consider being California Sober as truly being in recovery.
  

Bottom Line

Regardless of how you feel about the concept of being California sober, Gottlieb says it’s important to acknowledge that people in recovery are asking questions about it every day.

“[Last week] I was up in the mountains in Los Feliz having this very discussion with one person who was using marijuana and another person who was not, and I think it’s very good to always open up a very important dialogue about it, as opposed to excluding and shutting the topic down altogether.”

“I think we have to be careful because sometimes the reason people struggle with addiction is they feel they’ve never been seen, heard or had a voice,” VanRuler starts. “And so if we say, Oh, I’m so sorry, you’re struggling with that, now you just need to do all of these things. And we don’t really care how you feel about it. Sometimes, I wonder if we’re not just doing more of the same.”

As for Espinosa, he likens the reason he isn’t a one-method truther to a culinary metaphor.

“That’d be like me saying that the only way to make a spaghetti sauce is how my grandmother taught me,” Espinosa says. “Well, no. there’s tons of grandmothers, grandfathers out there, and people out there who make a damn good spaghetti sauce.”