The rules of etiquette are just as important in the digital world as they are in the real world—and poor netiquette (also known as online etiquette or Internet etiquette) can stick around to haunt you for much longer.
According to Avigail Lev, PsyD, the Founder and Director of the Bay Area CBT Center, good online etiquette is important for many reasons. “It promotes positive online interactions and helps maintain a respectful and safe digital environment,” she explains.
Having good netiquette involves being mindful of your behavior, avoiding offensive or derogatory language, and treating others as you would in face-to-face interactions.
The golden rule of netiquette boils down to one basic guideline: Do not do or say online what you would not do or say offline.1 Before posting a comment, status update, or image, ask yourself if you would feel comfortable sharing the same thing face-to-face. If not, don’t post it.
Follow these basic rules of netiquette to avoid damaging your online and offline relationships and protect your reputation.
Make Real People a Priorit
Nothing is more irritating than trying to have a conversation with someone who is engrossed in their phone, tablet, or another electronic device. This is especially important if the other person is your date, partner, or child.
Constantly checking your email, voicemail, or Facebook sends the message that you don’t care about them. It can also be annoying and hurtful to be with someone who is having a conversation that you are not part of.
If someone is trying to talk to you when on your cell phone, tablet, or computer, stop what you are doing and look at them. Whatever is happening in the online world can generally wait.
If you are expecting an important call, email, or text, let the person you are with know upfront and apologize for the interruption.
Continue to make real people a priority while in public places such as restaurants, public transit, stores, elevators, and libraries. You can do this by not having phone conversations when in these shared spaces, as well as by silencing your audible notifications.
Use Respectful Language
Name-calling, cursing, expressing deliberately offensive opinions—if you wouldn’t do this to the face of anyone who might conceivably see what you write, don’t write it. This also includes social media sites, forums, chat rooms, and email messages. Think it can’t be traced back to you? It can.
Your online activities leave a digital footprint that can be difficult to erase. Information and content shared online may be stored, archived, or shared by others, even if you delete it later. Being cautious about what you share helps maintain control over your digital presence. What you put online is permanent and can be used against you.
Using any sort of verbal abuse online can get you banned from your social groups. At a minimum, your remarks will likely be removed; one in three online comments are rejected by page moderators.2
Keep in mind that it’s not just what you say that may be considered disrespectful, but how you say it. Text in all caps is generally perceived as yelling, for instance.
Either use the shift key for capital letters or write in all lower case—but don’t use caps lock. Don’t forget to say please and thank you as appropriate.
Video Meeting Netiquette
Following a few general guidelines can help keep your interactions professional when meeting with colleagues online. Proper etiquette for video meetings includes:
- Checking your device’s audio and video before the meeting to ensure that they work
- Creating an uncluttered background so it isn’t disruptive or selecting a background offered by the video meeting platform
- Choosing a professional screen name (your first and last name is a good option; avoid nicknames or any screen name that could be offensive or unprofessional)
- Joining the meeting on time
- Muting yourself when you’re not speaking
- Not talking over other meeting participants
Why is etiquette so important in online meetings? Using Internet etiquette during online meetings enables you to stay professional. It also allows you to respect the other meeting attendants while providing a setting where the meeting can run as smoothly as possible.
Share With Discretion
Lev also recommends using caution regarding what you share about yourself online. For example, don’t sext naked pictures or post pictures of alcohol use, drug use, or other information about your private life online. Once these images and statements are uploaded to the Internet, they are there for the rest of the world to see, forever.
“The internet is a vast and interconnected space, and your online activities contribute to forming your digital identity and reputation. What you share online can have long-lasting effects on how others perceive you,” Lev explains.
Even if you try to remove these posts later, it might be too late. Some posts may even trigger disciplinary action from your employer, such as if the post is deemed discriminatory in nature.3
One way to avoid sharing too much private information online is to ask yourself if you would have a problem with your boss, parents, or kids seeing that post now or at any point in the future. If the answer is yes, don’t post or send it.
The same guideline applies when having phone conversations in public places. Any time you are talking out loud, others can overhear you. This provides them access to your private information, so don’t overshare.
Oversharing and Identity Theft
Although it can be fun to play along with social media posts that share your favorite color, first car, and the street you grew up on, these can be used by scammers to steal your identity and private information. Be discreet with any information that can be used as answers to security questions on your private accounts.
Don’t Exclude Others
When it feels like you’re being left out, it can lead to both negative emotions and a sense of lost control. While these effects can affect anyone, some research suggest that they tend to impact women with greater frequency.4
If you have an in-joke to share, send it in a private message. Additionally, don’t post an obscure comment to your Facebook, a forum, or an Instagram story, as this can leave others feeling as if they are excluded from whatever it is you are talking about.
The same goes for laughing at a text, social media meme, or email when you are in the presence of others. If you don’t want to share what you are laughing about, save it for later so it doesn’t feel like you’re excluding the person you’re with.
It is equally important to be mindful of who you decide to include, as some people prefer to not be added to large group texts or social media groups. Good netiquette involves getting their permission first to ensure that they’re okay with it.
Choose Friends Wisely
It can be insulting to be dropped from someone’s social media friend list. So, think before sending a friend request or accepting an invitation. If you don’t want to stay in touch with someone long-term, good netiquette is to not add them in the first place.
To stay in touch with a colleague without adding them as a Facebook friend, tell them you only use Facebook for close personal friendships. Suggest that you connect on LinkedIn or another professional networking site to stay in touch.
The obvious exception to this netiquette rule is if you “friend” someone while you are getting along and later have a disagreement. It is perfectly acceptable to unfriend someone if the relationship is beyond repair. Just don’t torture them (or yourself) with on-again-off-again connecting.
Respect People’s Privacy
Don’t forward information sent to you without checking with the original sender first; doing this behind their back can create mistrust if they find out. This includes copying and pasting texts or sending screenshots.
If you are forwarding an email message, use BCC (blind carbon copy) rather than CC (carbon copy) when sending it to more than one person. This helps protect the privacy of all the other email recipients.
Some people don’t want their names or email addresses publicized to those they don’t know.
The same respect for privacy applies when uploading photos or videos online that include other people, whether in a public space or on your private social media page. Remember that if you tag people on Facebook, others can access these photos unless the people in them have adjusted their privacy settings.
Finally, don’t sign up for newsletters and other communications using someone else’s information. It’s simple enough to set up your own email account or supply your own number for texting, and can protect you from irritating friends by having them receive emails or texts they don’t want.
Fact Check Before Reposting
That cure for cancer might sound pretty impressive, but it will just cause upset if it is a hoax. Urban myths, fake retailer coupons, and other forms of misinformation also add to the noise of the Internet and waste people’s time.
And if you think that fake online information is more the exception than the rule, think again. Research indicates that Facebook users alone engage with some form of misinformation around 70 million times each month.5
If you aren’t sure of the facts behind an online story or social media post, check with someone who does know or can find out. Another option is to search on Google or snopes.com to see if the post is true or if it is a scam.
Don’t Spam
The term “spam” applies to the receipt of any unwanted message. In the online world, spamming can refer to an unwanted email, text, or social media message.
Most of us are familiar with spam calls or spam emails from companies we didn’t give permission to contact us. But we can also get spammed by family and friends, such as when they repeatedly contact us asking to take part in their latest business venture.
Avoid doing this to your contacts and it can help keep your relationships intact. If you want to share information with your contacts, ask before sending it. Taking this one step can keep you from being blocked.
Plus, many of the worst computer viruses in history have been circulated via mass emails.6 So don’t open an email or social media message from someone you don’t know. If the message contains a download, double-check with the sender before opening it to make sure it wasn’t sent by someone pretending to be them.
Respond to Emails and Texts Promptly
By all means, ignore and delete spam, unsolicited messages, and crazy stuff. You don’t owe anyone a response if they are sending you something you didn’t ask for in advance.
Otherwise, have the courtesy to reply to a message within a few days, especially if that message is from family or friends. If it is going to take longer, that’s okay. Just tell them that so they know and aren’t waiting for your reply.
If the message is something you don’t want to deal with, know that avoiding it won’t cause it to go away and may even create more stress. Don’t allow this to happen to you by responding as soon as you can.
Update Online Information
Don’t leave inaccurate information online just because you can’t be bothered to update your social media profile or, if you own a business, your company’s website.
If you are going to be unavailable, for example, don’t leave your hours of operation online indicating you will be available. If you can’t keep your website up to date, take it down.
Following this netiquette guideline is even more important if you’re actively looking for a job online. If prospective employers find outdated information on your professional networking page, they might assume that you don’t care enough about getting work.